12.02.2012

It’s half past eleven in Poland right now. I’m sitting in front of the computer, next to a chair my cat is dowsing peacefully with her head down. In few minutes she will decide to rest on the floor and fall asleep. It’s  -20 Celsius outside. The windows are covered with frost, separating me from the outside world. All I can see is a bleak shine of a streetlight.

Today is 12 February. In the future it may be mentioned on wiki as the day of Whitney Houston’s death. (9 years ago my grandfather died but that, I guess, you won’t find on the news). It’s just one of those nonessential days, that don’t bring anything new to one’s life.  In few years I won’t be able to recall what happened to me this evening, just as I can’t remember what I felt exactly 1/2/3 years ago.  The day after tomorrow I’m leaving home and travelling to a distant part of the world. For the first time in my life I will be completely on my own and just as excited I felt half a year ago when I had been given this opportunity, equally scared I’m feeling right now. Since I was a teenager I had been waiting for something to change in my life. For something exciting and breathtaking to happen. Just waiting. Without actually doing anything that might bring me closer to something new.  We all know that if you don’t take matters into your own hands, nothing will happen to you. But that knowledge  doesn’t make anyone braver,  make the risk smaller or help making life changing decisions easier. After years of daydreaming and feeling sorry for myself, something decided to throw me at the deep end and give me a chance. And although ultimately I was the one to lodge the documents needed to participate in the programme, that would let me fly to an isloated continent, I’ m sure  something must have pushed me to do that. My ‘old me’ wouldn’t do such a thing, wouldn’t make such a step. At the age of 21 some people make their own money and already walk the road to success, I on the other hand, can’t make the transition from a teenager to a young adult, get homesick very often and overly nostalgic when thinking about things that should have already been locked in a closed room of my past.

Two days from now is Valentine’s Day. Usually I would spend it alone in my room feeling miserable. This time will be different – I will be sitting with dozens of strangers on a flight to Australia. I haven’t been able to pack my bags yet. I still have to decide what I want to take with me on a journey to a new chapter. My new life is 15 147 km ahead of me.  I’m scared but if that’s what it takes to find myself, than I’m willing to leave everything behind and go soul searching in The Land Before Time. This blog is for me, so that I can remember how it all happened.

PS: This night, I will let my cat (Filipa) sleep with me on a bed. I will miss her. Unlike my old life.

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